What's on my musical radar?

I know that question has been burning on your mind for some time now, right? If so, this is for you.

The CD that is playing right now in my car is Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced?. And the volume knob never goes below 50% when it is playing. I struggle to think of another non-Beatles album that had as much influence and produced as many classic songs as this one. Highway Chile, Fire, Foxey Lady, Purple Haze, Manic Depression, Red House, good god. The best part for me is knowing this was America's first broad exposure to The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Recorded in 1966 or 1967 in London, this was the album that changed the electric guitar landscape forever.

>> Read more about Are You Experienced? at AllMusic.com

Let's talk live stuff, shall we? I received a very unexpected and thoughtful gift from my brother-in-law this Christmas. He went out on a limb and bought me the Grateful Dead Live from Winterland DVD. Recorded 12/31/1978, it was the final concert ever played at the Winterland Theater. 3 sets of the Dead at their best, in my opinion. It has some of my favorites on it: Scarlet Begonias, Sugar Magnolia, Fire on the Mountain, Dark Star (a particularly good one, I might add). If you're into this scene, I highly recommend it.

These are not your father's (or Strom Thurmond's) M&Ms...

I went shopping this weekend for some M&Ms. Regular old, colored M&Ms. I would have even settled for the Valentines Day variety; you know, red, pink, white. Instead, I was stuck with colorless black and white M&Ms. I know this is a gimmick. Help them find their colors, whatever. What are they an ethnic group who has lost touch with their roots? At least let me buy regular colored M&Ms still.

So I was relaying my disgust to Nick. It dawned on me that not only Oreos demand different consumption styles, but so do M&Ms. Some are segregationist -- sorting them by color then eating each color group. Others will eat them believing that each color holds mystical powers. For example, the commercial when we were kids about the little league baseball player explaining to his friend that if he ate a green one before going to bat, he'd hit a home run. Other myths included the green ones held aphrodisiacal powers. Home run....getting laid....coincidence? And who could forget the kids who avoided the red M&Ms because they could cause cancer. I wish I were making this stuff up.

So, let's fast forward to today. We are stuck with black and white M&Ms while this stupid ad campaign continues. Could the folks who adhere to the segregationist method of eating M&Ms be considered a segregationist in the historical, Mississippi sense of the word? I mean, instead of splitting up the reds, greens, yellows and browns now we're splitting up the blacks and the whites. Yikes!

And if you are doing this, which ones do you eat first? And why that color? Is there something deep-seeded that is causing you to eat that color first? Does a Northerner eat a different first color than a Southerner? And I wonder if the M&Ms Company was considerate enough to ensure that there are just as many black ones as white ones in a bag? If not, isn't that favoritism? What does it all mean?! This is all about as metaphorical as bowling. Surely you've heard Nat X's (Chris Rock from SNL) take on bowling. A big black ball attacking 10 white pins with red necks. OK, I'm rambling now.

This is why I should be a Marketing Executive

By now we've all been so overwhelmed by those damn AOL CDs that we're immune to the pathetic saturation that is their business model. I mean, come on, who hasn't opened their box of cereal or woken up in the morning only to find a AOL 9.0 CD in their Cheerios or under their pillow? But hey, who can't pass up 1,738,298 FREE HOURS in your first month!

Tangential note: There are only 744 hours in a 31 day month, people. Unless you're Einstein and you can bend the space-time continuum, one cannot spend more than 744 hours in a month downloading porn. That may sound like a challenge to some guys I went to college with, sadly enough. And let's face it, if you're Einstein, you figured out back on version 2.0 that AOL is the single crappiest piece of software ever made. It succeeds because of their saturation of the non-internet savvy public, who eat it up. UGH! Oh well, back to the story.

So, I was thinking more about this Janet Jackson Super Bowl Halftime Show (sponsored by AOL). If they had been sticking with their guns and been thinking, when Janet's tomato flopped out, it would NOT have been sporting a medieval-looking pewter starburst. No way. It would have been a shiny AOL 9.0 CD, firmly affixed to her breast with a nipple stud holding it on like a cotter pin.

Shameless marketing has gone to a whole new level. I am pioneering the next big wave. Now, stay off the phones, honey, I'm expecting the job offers to come rolling in any minute.

Get Ready to be Outraged!

Yes, in the wake of Nick's nicely crafted commentary on the fake morality of the US public, I offer you this picture of Miss Janet's mammary, or whatever you kids call them these days.

In case you didn't get enough of a glimpse last night, you can now see in freeze frame, the "tomato" in all its glory. I'm not opposed to seeing them, I mean good lord, Janet's boobs have been at the top of my "Nice Rack! "list for years now. What I have a problem with is the hardware she sports on her nipple under her clothes. This was about as much unplanned as the Kennedy assassination.

Message to young girls out there.... "Public nudity and a record contract equals popularity and huge album sales." You heard it here first. Don't believe the morality hype from the "moral Americans" who call this an outrage then go home to enjoy primetime TV.

That being said, I want to let everyone know that in between the commercials and the Hip Hop Bonanza Half Time Show....there was a good football game that broke out. Some guys in teal and silver against the Patriots. Not sure, but I think the Patriots won.

We've all made mistakes right?

Kazuhito Tadano, however, may as well forget about all the other mistakes he's made in his life. They all pale in comparison to one he made three years ago in college. As a naive 20 year old he took an active part in a homosexual porn video. Yeah next time you catch yourself regretting the things you did while drunk in Tijuana, give Kaz a call. Unless you were his "co-star," I don't think you have anything to worry about.

This "mistake" not only makes him eligible for a Depauw University Honorary Degree, but it might come up at his new job...pitcher for the Cleveland Indians. He has a good chance of ending up in the Cleveland bullpen this season. Memo to Indians management, consider removing John Rocker from the try-out list.

PS - The best twist in the saga has to be his insistence he is not gay. Ends up he and his teammates needed the money. "Pick a number fellas, one of us is gonna earn some money....the hard way."

Video Game Genius!

This little ditty is a piece of arcade gold. If you can manage to beat the game, you will be rewardly generously in a Karate Kid 2 sort of way.

PS - This has nothing to do with Sirs Elton and Bill.

Bill Gates Knighted?

OK, maybe it's just me. But I can see Billy Boy defending the Royal Crown about as easily as I can see Sir Elton John kicking the crap out of barbarians who threaten the Queen's lands.

I think to be accurate, Sir Elton would probably be seen beating up his loyal squire for wearing pastels after Labor Day. And as for Sir Bill? Well, besides making me chuckle, he is much less a knight than he is the Queen's personal IT Help Desk slave. Congrats, Bill....er, Sir Bill.

You ever wonder why...

Andy Rooney begins everythying with that statement? It's almost like a soft pillow to lay your head on right before they lop it off. Andy does that. Then he'll go into some diatribe about how women should be allowed to vote, or how African-Americans can't read, or something really deep and PC. Nice, Andy.