¡Muera Viagra!

OK, I finally reached a point where I need to say something about the ri-damn-diculous Viagra commercials. You know the ones. They all feature that "Viva Viagra" song (a take-off of Elvis Presley's "Viva Las Vegas"). Two in particular strike me as odd. I don't suffer from E.D. so maybe the plight of the flaccid man is lost on me. Perhaps this resonates with these afflicted fellas. Frankly, the thought of some of these older guys like Bob Dole talking about having sex at all leaves me kind limp. Mmmm, Bob and Elizabeth Dole getting freaky all hopped up on fake boner pills....so hot.

The first commercial shows a bunch of guys hanging out in a studio, presumably in Nashville, singing the song and all sharing a chuckle. Yeah, I'm laughing. Nothing says "I suffer from erectile dysfunction" like hanging out in a country recording studio with eight other guys. Where are the ladies? They're hanging out with Kid Rock and Scott Stapp on a tour bus, that's where. I think we saw that video a couple of years ago. So these bonerless musicians are left to hang out together late at night singing about the fact they can now sport wood at home alone. Their dog died. Their truck got repossessed. And they can now pitch a tent after they get kicked out of their homes. Kinda seems like a pretty small ego-booster considering everything else. Here's a thought: maybe after the jam session these guys all have a sausage fest comparing sizes and hanging hats on their revived manhoods. Jesus Harold and Maude.

Let's talk about another one I've seen. It shows a guy pulling into his driveway everyday in his nice sub-compact car. (You can see it here by clicking on the video called "Breakaway".) His wife forces a smile, knowing she just bought some "lady implements" from a recent sex toy party with her girlfriends. So, she's covered. Then one day, the husband pulls into the driveway in a motorcycle. Yeah, way to mix it up, asshat. Brilliant idea considering things are probably strained at home already, you go and blow $20,000 on a hog. Viva Affair! That's what the wife should be thinking. So you both can now ride around the countryside with the wind in our hair dreaming about having sex. But NO! He just discovered Viagra! He took some, and realized maybe he needed something to compensate for the moped in his pants.

These commercials can't be worse than the innuendo-laden Enzyte male enhancement commercials featuring the creepy Bob character. At least Viagra is more subtle. I guess the Viva Viagra commercials could be worse by featuring paraplegic midgets learning how to walk or clowns making huge balloon animals. You see the symbolism? I hope so. Don't make me explain it.

PS - You can see all of the Viagra commercials here. Enjoy.