Yeah, I'm a hooligan...

The other day I was shamed while getting my hourly refill of caffeine at work. The office matriarch offered one of those backhanded comments that sounded harmless, but really was probably meant to make you feel like shit. She is the office matriarch only because she is the only woman in the office with false teeth and woman parts that dried up during the Truman administration.

I innocently (as I usually do everything...hehe) walked over to the coffee area and began smelling which pot was NOT hazelnut -- because nut or fruit flavored coffee is only for demons and coffeehouse douches. Ask Denis Leary. As I'm ready to pour the first drops of French Roast goodness, she nicely mentions that she doesn't "understand why anyone would drink that dirty water." I froze and looked around for someone drinking piss water out of a spittoon...as I suspected, no one was doing that here in the IT break area. Just me and her. She must be talking to me, I thought. The only thought I could muster was, "Huh?" "That coffee," she said, "it's nothing but dirty water." I force a chuckle, nervously. Guilt starts to set in, like I'm watching porn and I was busted by my grandma. "Naw, it's good stuff," I say. "Well, I liken it to drinking and smoking." I sigh to myself and pour my cup of sin. It was good, and I felt naughty drinking it.