Warning: May Cause Irritation

I've been out of commission lately with a pretty wicked head cold. And during that time, I"ve had the opportunity to watch a lot of TV. While doing so, I noticed something that had always bothered me, but never really got around to blurting it out. What the hell is it with television commercials and their ridiculous disclaimers? I'm not talking about the amazing side-effects you could experience by taking a certain drug (though explosive diarrhea is a real bummer). I'm talking about the stuff that warns us not to attempt what we just saw or lets us know that what we just saw, may not be real. Thanks for the vote of confidence, asswipes.

Example: Snapple^® Antioxidant Water (Go figure, the online version doesn't have the disclaimer. So feel free to try whatever and know you may have legal recourse should you get injured.)
Synopsis: Guy cracks open a Snapple Antioxidant Water and discovers that the world is now covered with bubble-wrap for his own protection against the world.
The Key Moment: At the end of the commercial he has the brilliant idea to go jump off a skyscraper because, hey, he'll just bounce right?
The Disclaimer: "Do Not Attempt."

I'm left with the complete disappointment that I, too, cannot jump off of a skyscraper without getting hurt. Damn you, Snapple! Isn't this kind of thing against Darwin's little idea? Aren't we improving the species by losing the idiots that think this is really safe to do? Are the folks at these major companies really afraid they'll be sued by a moron that tries it and gets seriously injured? When did we as a civilization leave the realm of common sense? Somebody answer me, dammit! I just don't get it.

Example: Toyota Tacoma Pickup
Synopsis: Hillbillies in the high desert video taping their buddy driving his Toyota Tacoma. In comes a giant meteor and hits the pickup. The pickup survives proving how durable it is.
The Key Moment: Out of the dust and smoke of the meteor impact, you see the pickup survives completely in tact and drives away.
The Disclaimer: Dramatization. Access Cab shown with available TRD Off-Road Package.

So, Mr. Toyota guys, what you're telling me is that you didn't actually have the foresight to predict the time and location of a sizable meteor hitting the Earth? This wasn't real? Or are you telling me that if I don't get the Access Cab with available TRD Off-Road Package, then I'm fucked?

Either way, the fact you had to explain to me that (A) this was not a real scenario and (B) your vehicle is not meteor-proof, is ludicrous. I think if you really want to make this commercial better, you put a Snapple in the driver's hand and bubble-wrap that meteor. And then stop assuming that your entire viewing public is a bunch of booger-eating morons...because in reality, it's more like 13% booger-eating morons. Get rid of the disclaimers and help us lose that 13%. We'll all be better off. Thanks.