Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Here it is nearing holiday zero hour, only 3 days until that fat bastard tries to squeeze his ass down our non-existent chimney on Christmas eve. This year I think I'll try to convince my brother-in-law to sit up with me and drink beer until we see the fat man. And when we do...well, I'm not sure yet but I'm sure it will have something to do with shouting "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" and Santa getting arrested on a B&E (that's Breaking & Entering for you suburbanites).

Had an interesting little conversation with my wife the other day. If historical texts tell us anything reliable, it seems Jesus was born in the Spring sometime. Then why is it we celebrate his birth on December 25th? Please feel free to add a comment to this post if you have any insight on this.

So in honor of the Jesus' birthday, this is the week that folks slack off at work at a professional level. Everyone is apt to slack here and there, these are the amateur slackers. However, they quickly soar up the ranks of slackology when the week of Christmas comes around, especially when there is an impending week long vacation to follow the holiday...speaking from experience. So, in light of the holiday season slacking potential, I submit to you some good time wasters.

Go surf your local Library catalog for CDs, preferably their online catalog. You'd be god damn amazed what music your local library possesses. And the best part is it is all either free or available for a nominal $.50 fee. You get it for 3 weeks, too. (Details subject to change based on where the hell you live, of course.) So, I picked up an album I can honestly say I wouldn't go and buy -- which is the quintessential beauty of the library system, try things risk-free. It's an album called Aperitif for Destruction by a guy named Richard Cheese. Mr. Cheese is a straight up lounge act who remakes many top rock, hip-hop and alternative hits....leisure suit style. Check it out, I promise you'll laugh as he remakes Me So Horny and teams up with Stephen Hawking to remake The Girl Is Mine from Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson.

Side Note: You know how weird it is to think about that song now? It portrays Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson pseudo-arguing over a woman. Back in the day, it seemed mildly plausible. But when you hear it now, you have to wonder if they were talking about the same woman? Was Paul singing about some hot broad and Jacko singing about her 5 year old daughter? Makes you think, eh?

Something else you can do, go to Brain Bashers for your daily fill of puzzles, games and sudoku. There is so much stuff on this site, I can't even begin to do it justice. I particularly dig the sudoku puzzles. If you haven't tried them before, I highly recommend them if you like to think. So, I suggest you cook up a huge batch of meth and get ready to stay up for 5 days straight playing Brain Bashers games. Or at least plan on a 3 day bender so when you're nice and baked 3 days from now, you can really freak out when a fat guy in a red suit appears out of the ashes of your fireplace. You can merrily exclaim to him as he rides out of sight in terror, "Ride the snake, Santa, and to all a good night!"